“Yoga is not about touching your toes, it’s about what you learn on the way down.”
Jigar Gor
It started with the Spice Girls
My yoga journey started over 20 years ago, around the millennium. Geri had left the Spice Girls a couple of years before and, it seemed to me at least, she retreated to George Michael’s house a voluptuous red head, only to emerge months later a sculpted blond. I, forever trying to perfect my own body, saw her dance to “It’s raining men” in her undies and thought, I’ll have what she’s having.
She attributed this new look to her daily yoga practise, so when she released her Geri Yoga DVD with teacher Katy Appleton, I bought in. Whilst I enjoyed the practise, I, of course, didn’t end up with Geri’s abs, so frustrated, I moved on to the next ‘miracle’ workout.
Over the years I tried many times to establish a regular yoga practise but nothing stuck. I went to classes and bought DVDs (and later apps) but I found myself clock watching the entire time. I was used to very physical exercise; yoga was much slower which meant that every minute felt like an hour. And despite the slow pace, yoga is hard. Especially if like me, you’re practically rigid.
There were times when I was more consistent. When I was pregnant in 2009 / 10, I found that pregnancy yoga eased my hip pain. Then when I trained for the Edinburgh marathon in 2012, I went to twice weekly classes at my local gym to help ward off injury. But it wasn’t until around 6-years ago that yoga became a regular part of my routine.
What changed?
Firstly, it was finding a teacher with whom I felt a connection. Zoe was calm and balanced and taught the spiritual side of yoga as well as the physical, which I felt drawn to. Secondly, I figured out what type of yoga I really liked. Zoe taught a combination of yin and yang in her classes.
Yin is a very passive style of yoga incorporating principles of traditional Chinese medicine. During classes, postures are held for longer periods of time than in other styles.
Yang yoga is the more traditional yoga that most people associate with; a flow of postures aimed to develop muscular strength, flexibility and stamina. Both focus on the breath.
I love yin yoga. For the most part you are on the ground (great) and I find it so relaxing.
When the pandemic hit, Zoe moved all of her classes online and they became the focal point of my week. Being able to join a yin class from the comfort of my own home was bliss.
Yoga teacher training
When lockdown lifted, I was offered the chance to join a yoga teacher training with an experienced local teacher, Fay. Initially I was reluctant because I was experiencing a lot of anxiety. Regular panic attacks at work meant that even talking to people was difficult, so the thought of having to teach filled me with dread. But, I had an innate sense that it could hold the answer to my problems.
Like Zoe, Fay included the history and spirituality of yoga in her teaching. She soon dispelled my belief that you had to be able to stand on your head or do the splits if you wanted to teach.
During the training, I realised that I was looking at yoga all wrong. Even though I was interested in its spiritual history, I had primarily been using it as a way to change my body. All those hours spent trying to perfect a handstand, even when my body protested, were about how I wanted to be perceived by other people. I thought that because I wasn’t flexible I wasn’t doing proper yoga. Or if I didn’t practise for a full 90 minutes I wasn’t doing enough. My perfectionist mentality meant that I would rather do nothing if I couldn’t fit in a full class.
In order to fully commit to the training I made it my purpose to practise every day, even when I only had 20 minutes to spare. Instead of trying to perfect the more difficult postures, I went back to basics. I worked on improving my technique and became conscious of practising safely (no flinging myself into handstands), which Fay deemed of utmost importance.
I loved those 20 weeks; every Saturday spent with my yoga family. The nerves when teaching were always there, but my fellow students wanted to see me succeed and I had some positive wins.
And now?
I successfully completed the training and, as yet, I haven’t felt the pull towards teaching. It has though, deepened my own practise. Now, I aim for 20 minutes twice a day (aim being the operative word). My practise is more dynamic in the morning to give me energy for the day. In the evening, it is yin that helps me to wind down before bed. There’s rarely a headstand in sight. My focus now is on the breath rather than my body.
Often life gets in the way. Sometimes I’d rather Netflix and chill, and I do. If I’m reluctant, I’ll aim for 5-minutes and as soon as I step on my mat, my body takes over. It feels kind of messy. The cat might chase the dog across the mat or my daughter will come in looking for something, but I think that’s more real.
My yoga journey has been a long one and I know that it will continue to evolve. I’m excited to see where it takes me next.
