I’ve joined the gym (again)

I’ve just joined the gym again, after many years away. Now, I’m no gym novice. When I was 16 my Dad took me to a spit and sawdust boxing gym and left me there in a bid to make me street wise. I soon made friends with the 60-year old manager and spent most of my time sat at the counter, eating free mars bars and chatting with him about his much younger girlfriend. As a result, unlike many women I know, I have never felt intimidated in a gym environment.

It’s not like I haven’t exercised for years either. I think I’m a bit psychic because just before the pandemic, I converted a room in my house into a tiny gym (when I say I relating to anything to do with my house I usually mean my husband). Even when I lacked energy and motivation due to the peri-menopause, I have always done something.

But recently I’ve been struggling and so I thought a change of scenery might help. This is nothing new. I’m a gemini, so I am always flitting from one activity to the next. I’ve been a member of multiple gyms, I’ve run 2 marathons (slowly) and I’ve trained to be a yoga teacher. I have a treadmill and a rowing machine and I own all of Shaun T’s (of Insanity fame) back catalogue. Basically, I get bored a lot.

I wasn’t too concerned about going back to the gym then. I walked in like I was a regular and nobody even glanced my way. But, I wasn’t overly confident about using the apparatus after such a long time away, so I opted for a spin class.

I arrived early to check that my cleats (a remnant of a past gym membership) fit into the bike pedals. Anxiety kicked in when I couldn’t remember how to loosen the strap. I had to ask the instructor and I knew what she was thinking, “all the gear no idea.” Then I didn’t know how to lower the saddle and my handlebar kept sliding backwards and forwards. Was that a part of the class?

Five minutes in I felt like I might die. That is only a slight exaggeration. I couldn’t breathe and could see stars; I was sure that I would faint at least. When I realised that my t-shirt was on inside out I knew that I could never show my face again.

I barely got through the class and I know that it was awful because when the instructor asked if I would come back, I made an excuse.

I did go back twice more that week and each class was worse than the last. My body was screaming at me, “what the f*ck are you doing?” When the instructor offered advice I wanted to punch her in the face. Permanently clock watching, I saw every click of the second hand…there’s no way that a minute lasts that long.

Before the end of the week, I had cancelled my membership. I knew it was the right decision. Although I did love the gym and those high energy classes in the past, that’s not where I am any more. Seeing people my age on social media still hustling and looking amazing always makes me want to go back. This experience reminded me that what works for somebody else, isn’t necessarily what is going to work for me. It’s not the first time that I have forgotten this and it probably won’t be the last.

Of course I want to be healthy and I know that exercise is an important part of that. For me, at this moment in time, that will look more like walking and yoga. It may change and I am open to that but for now, I have to let go of who I was and accept who I am right now.