I’m not long back from a week in Portugal. I travelled with my sister-in-law, my nephew, my niece and my daughter G. The five of us have made the same trip annually for the last four or five years, even managing a few days in between the pandemic lockdowns in 2020. When there, we stay with my sister-in-law’s nan who has lived in Tavira, a small city on the Algarve coast, for decades. Her home (and ours for the week) is a pretty whitewashed villa, high in the hills just outside of the city centre. I love it there, it has increasingly become my happy place.
Travelling isn’t always fun and games
This year, our trip came off the back of my holiday to the US. I don’t mind admitting that I had returned from America jet lagged and grumpy. Lets be honest, travel and holidays, it’s not all fun and games is it? Especially if you’re travelling with your family. During the summer months, we are bombarded by Instagram posts of smiling parents and well behaved children arm in arm on a beach somewhere. When confronted with these images, I often think, is it just me then? Am I alone in coming home and wanting a divorce or vowing never to travel with my teenager, ever again?
I know it’s not, because when you actually speak to other people, you hear the truth. Most of us have days on holiday when we wonder why we bother. When you’re in one of the most beautiful locations in the world and your kid just wants to stay in the hotel room on their phone. Or your husband moans about the bike ride you’ve planned because why would you want to cycle to Venice beach when you can lie on your bed and watch TV?
I understand why this happens. When we’re at home, in our normal routines, families barely see each other. The kids are at school, the parents are out to work; we have a couple of hours a day together at most. Then for two weeks, we spend every hour of every day together in one small room. Often, we’re tired from travelling and we’re letting off steam after a long year. It’s no wonder then that there are a few cross words (or a massive shouting match … whatever).
Travel is a gift
That was where I was at before our Portugal trip this year. I’d rather have pulled my own teeth out than travel with a member of my immediate family.
While we were there though, I was reminded what a gift this annual trip is. Of course there is the beauty of the country, the food, the sunshine. But more important than that is the fact that I get to spend uninterrupted time with my extended family. This isn’t always possible during the rest of the year, when everyone is busy and life takes over. My nephew is 18 now, the girls both13; how lucky am I that I’ve had that quality time with them over the years.
I also remembered how different G is when she is with her cousins. For that week, I have access to a side of her that I rarely see these days. Instead of striving to be a mini-adult, she becomes a kid again; jumping the waves or laughing hysterically at something random my niece might have said. She’s goofy and fun, her mobile phone all but forgotten.
Similarly, being away from my husband gives me a perspective that I can lose through proximity. I miss him and I appreciate the things he does for our family. The petty annoyances are seen for what they are. I look forward to our daily calls and feel closer to him despite the physical distance.
My happy place is not a place
When I first returned from the US and in the hazy week that followed, the only things that I could recall were the negatives. But with time and space comes perspective. Now I smile, thinking about the three of us cruising the Hawaiian freeway in our rented Mustang. Top down, belting out “Sing your own kind of music” I couldn’t have loved them more. I remember us wet and dusty, laughing at our dirt moustaches after the UTV ride we took through the Jurassic valley. The early morning Açai bowls with D while G slept in. Hiking the Manoa Falls Trail in the pouring rain.
I realise now that my happy place isn’t a place at all. My happy place is my family; both immediate and extended. How lucky I am have them all, through good times and bad.
