“I do my thing and you do your thing.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,
And you are not in this world to live up to mine.
You are you, and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, it’s beautiful.
If not, it can’t be helped“
The Gestalt Prayer
In June 2022, I left my job of 8 years to take a grown up gap year.
At 44 years old.
Just as the cost of living started to rise exponentially.
Oh God, I’m having a mid-life crisis aren’t I?
Hear me out
This wasn’t a rash decision. It was something that I had put a lot of thought into and took advice on. I also worked a 5-months notice period, so I had plenty of time to change my mind.
We were just coming out of a global pandemic, a 2-year pause on most of our lives. I’m conscious that those 2-years were horrendous for so many; however, for me, they put life into perspective. I realised just how much I loved being at home with my husband and daughter; the daily dog walks, the lunches taken as a family, not having to say yes to things that I didn’t want to do. Whilst work was still overwhelmingly busy, I had never been more content. So, returning to my pre-pandemic life filled me with anxiety; I didn’t want to lose this new found happiness. This, coupled with the loss of three loved ones in two years (all non-covid related) meant that I felt compelled to make a change; and, it was now or never.
I must acknowledge my privilege here. I know that most people can’t just leave their job in this way. For context, my husband is the main earner, so the bills are covered, and I have some savings to support myself during my year of exploration. I am also confident that, if I need to, I can pick up another job pretty quickly.
So what’s the plan?
Initially, there was just a (very) vague plan, yoga and writing. I made up the grown up gap year thing more recently because it sounded more acceptable. I’m having my own Eat, Pray, Love experience, I’d tell people, just with much less travel, because I have a husband and a daughter and pets and a home.
But, without realising it, I had been heading in this direction for the past couple of years. In 2021, I completed an MA in Creative Writing and my 200 hour yoga teacher training qualification (well there was nothing else going on was there?). And I’d been working on myself, from a spiritual perspective, for decades. Everything that I’d done in the past, had led me to this point.
There is still no firm plan. I have signed up to a journalism course with The Guardian, I have some trips planned and I’m going to write. Beyond that I’m just trying to have faith that whatever is meant to happen, will. And if nothing comes of this grown up gap year, at least I’ll know that I tried, with no regrets.
