My husband and daughter have not yet returned to work or school, which sees me struggling to find any semblance of normalcy in my daily routine. In the week leading up to Christmas, I was able to ignore them and do my thing. I locked myself in my office and they drifted in and out of the house as though unaware of my presence. But, after having a full week off in between Christmas and New Year, I have lost my get up and go, My get up and go has got up and gone. Now, I don’t want to do anything.
Initially I was planning to continue to write in that limbo week after Christmas. It was as though I knew that stopping was a mistake. That any consistency gained throughout the year would be out of the window if I did. In the end though, I needed the break. I felt tired; tired of trying to be productive, tired of trying to achieve. I needed to switch off, not only completely, but guilt free. That is one of the issues of working for yourself, or trying to, the lines between your work and home life blur. When your office is in your house, it’s difficult to fully step away. Especially when what you do is something that you enjoy.
An unexpectedly good week
Historically, I’ve never liked that week leading up to the new year. It has always felt like the time there could be better spent. This year though, it turned out to be an unexpectedly perfect week. I made no plans. There was a spontaneous mid-week trip to the cinema. I took daily walks in nature, my lungs craving the freshness in the air. Mostly though, I whiled away the hours curled up on the sofa, book in hand; the near constant rain drumming on the windows as if to stay: “stay at home, stay at home, stay at home.”
Usually an early riser, the bed seemed to feel more comfortable by the day. Each morning darker than the last, as though encouraging me to snuggle down for just a little bit longer. My strict morning routine disappeared. My body seemed to know what is wanted to do and so I let it.
I’m not sure that it needed ALL of the food that it demanded. Of course I ate too much but, would it even be Christmas if I didn’t? It wasn’t until our new year’s eve lunch of spring rolls and onion bhajis, that we had finally eaten our way through the left overs. But, it’s all good. It has only taken me a day or so to get back to my usual nutritious diet. I eat well all year round, those few days out won’t affect that.
Come next week, our lives will return to normal. My routine will, once again, be dictated by responsibility. This last week has been a good lesson for me, on the importance of rest, of connection, of letting go of the need to constantly be productive. I’m just hoping that by then, my get up and go has found its way back to me. Otherwise, it’s going to be a slow year.
